I never knew we would depend so much on formula. I had every single intention of breastfeeding our baby for as long as I could during his first year of life. But that's not how our experience worked out (and, spoiler alert: that is absolutely okay!!)
We took the breastfeeding class at the hospital before baby. We saw the lactation consultant after he was born like every other patient. Nothing in my mind gave me doubts about our breastfeeding journey. Everyone told me it was natural and we had even learned in the class that babies come out of the womb knowing how to nurse. How amazing is that! But then we got home from the hospital and our son screamed, and screamed, and screamed even after nursing for an hour which I had been told was normal (the nursing length, not the screaming). We called the nurse's station after being discharged wondering if we needed to take our son to the ER at 3 a.m. one of those first nights of screaming. This baby was inconsolable and bucked away from me trying to feed him or give him a pacifier to soothe himself. Everyone told us it was probably okay....it could be colic, the dreaded witching hour, "that's just what babies do," and "you'll get the hang of it."
Praise the Lord - we had a doctors appointment first thing Monday morning after his birth the previous Thursday because of slight jaundice. The hospital doctor almost didn't schedule our appointment that soon because there really wasn't a ton of jaundice, but he decided to schedule it soon anyway. Only 4 days later, we found out Charlie had lost a whole pound in weight. Our doctor (whom I grew to really love) said very seriously, this was a huge huge problem. She immediately called the hospital lactation nurses to get his weight checked after a nursing session first thing the next morning. She told us that there was obviously a nursing issue (probably thinking it was a bad latch) and that not only was he not getting enough milk, but that the constant hunger-screaming was burning even more calories. Our little newborn had been screaming inconsolably because he was hungry. Not good on top of not good. I think we went to 3 doctors appointments the first week of his life to observe and check his weight. It was exhausting and there was a lot of crying.
At the first lactation appointment with the hospital lady, she said that there was only ever hope that I could breastfeed maybe 50% of his daily need. The rest would have to be from formula. She remembered seeing me in the hospital but didn't want to say anything at the time (I guess I understand that, but not really). She told me that a lack of breast tissue would keep me from exclusively breastfeeding (something she attributed to being from Kentucky and eating fried chicken growing up - and I HATE fried chicken so I should have known then and there that she was just not going to be helpful lol). There may be some truth to what she was getting at, but as you will find out there was more going on that she didn't even know about.
When I repeated what she said to any moms who had breastfed exclusively, they were offended and shocked that she would ever say that to someone seeking lactation help. I mean, she was a lactation consultant for goodness sake! My family and friends I talked to didn't believe for a second that breastfeeding would be impossible for us. She just didn't know what she was talking about and was giving up too fast. My confusion and not knowing what to believe just kept spiraling.
Eventually we saw our third lactation specialist when Charlie was about 3 weeks old. I knew I wanted things to be better. Charlie was gaining weight finally, and supplementing with formula was helping, but I still had hopes of breastfeeding exclusively. This sweet consultant named Vicky observed and offered a schedule of pumping, taking herbal supplements, eating lactation cookies, and a nursing schedule that would hopefully build my supply and get baby back on track. In the mean time, we would still need to supplement with formula.
But here comes the kicker. In this appointment we learned that Charlie had a severe tongue and lip tie preventing him from nursing well. She said that there was no way he would ever be able to nurse exclusively in this condition. Are you shocked? I was shocked too. Charlie was 3 weeks old, we had seen the hospital pediatrician, multiple lactation consultants at the hospital, and our regular pediatrician, and a lactation specialist at our pediatricians office within those early weeks and this was the very first mention of an inhibiting tongue or lip tie. My husband and I had never felt so confused or let down.
Tongue and lip ties are not unheard of. They are easy to fix and in most cases, finally give babies and mamas the chance at breastfeeding that they wanted. We had Charlie's fixed with an easy procedure and I did see some improvements. But we were never able to breastfeed exclusively. Pumping only yielded .5-1.5 ounces every two or so hours. By this time, my body, my energy and perseverance in nursing, his ability to relearn his latch, all the formula he was already getting, and everything else just kept us too far behind. We made it to 4 months of supplementing breastfeeding and formula before we switched to 100% formula. I didn't think my heart or our bank account would be able to handle that switch to all formula, but here we are 13 months later with a very happy and healthy baby. The Lord takes care of his children.
I'm so so thankful for those few months that we did have of some breastfeeding. Charlie loved nursing even though he knew that after a few minutes he would get a more satisfying and filling bottle, so I kept it up as long as he was interested. I learned so much. I just wish that I had known more "troubleshooting" things before going into it. For example, we didn't even OWN any bottles or formula. I was completely blindsided by how we thought this experience would go down.
So, much farther down the road, with breastfeeding and formula-feeding officially behind us, I want to offer encouragement and wisdom to mamas who are trying to breastfeed.
- Not everyone has the same experience with breastfeeding. Sometimes it's a beautiful and wonderful experience of bonding with your baby. Sometimes it's a struggle and makes you not want to hold you baby (because they will cry/expect food that you can't give). Sometimes you won't even feel like trying to nurse anymore. It is generally a very natural thing that God created our bodies to be able to do, true. And that is amazing. Despite my hardships, I am still so completely amazed by breastfeeding and think it's always going to be the best thing for baby. But for a mama who is struggling, sometimes reminding her how "natural" it is supposed to be is not helpful.
- More than just a "good latch" will help. Drink more water, less caffeine. Eat high fat/carb foods, less sugary foods. Fenugreek, Mother's Milk tea, and pumping early on can help. Stressing about it can hurt your supply too. I didn't learn the practical ways to build milk supply before the baby was born, so this one is for me specifically next time around!
- Have a discussion with your hospital doctor/pediatrician about a tongue/lip tie if nursing is difficult. I didn't know to ask about this at the hospital. Many different people checked Charlie out, but this still went undiscovered for too long. It's nothing to be afraid of because it's such a simple fix, but I do wish it had crossed my mind sooner.
- Be transparent with people who can encourage you. One of the sweetest memories that stands out to my husband and I is from a discussion with a small group friend who also happens to be a doctor. He and his wife had used formula with their two young daughters. He told us that they had a good experience with Target brand Gentle Formula. I was so thankful for friends who could relate to our experience. Furthermore, you don't have to buy the most expensive name brand. Charlie actually did better on the Target Gentle Formula than he did on Similac. Your doctor can give you samples of different brands to try.
- Hold your "plan" loosely. Man, this is true in ALL of parenting! Haha. Even though I planned to breastfeed, it would have been wise for me to at least own a few good bottles and to do a little reading about formula-feeding before the baby came. Things I wish I had read before hand would be formula brands, understanding ounces/how often, how to safely mix and store it formula, etc.
- A fed baby is the healthiest baby. Breastfeeding is great and the most natural milk for your baby. But formula saved our little baby from going hungry. And for that, I'm so thankful that God also created infant formula!
This long post has been a long time coming. We prayed that our baby would continue to grow healthy and strong no matter how we were feeding him, and guess what? He did! The Lord is faithful to give you wisdom as that baby's mama, friends who can pray and encourage you, and perseverance when things just seem too hard. I pray the same things for you, mama. Be encouraged in the trenches of parenting and keep running the race set before you.
